Wearing a Mask
Wearing a Mask
This morning I’m still thinking about Halloween and all the wonderful children that knocked on my door seeking treats. The last child appeared to come by herself, although her parents stood at the road watching. Dressed as a princess, she wore a mask but no smile. Usually, children her age come in groups of four or five. I wondered what her mask was hiding. Is she feeling left out? Maybe her friends went trick-or-treating without her.
As we grow and mature, we often develop a mask to wear in our everyday lives. Sometimes, we want to cover up pain we are feeling, pain caused by dysfunction at home, problems learning, difficulties with other children, grief, and more. It requires energy to wear a mask, pretending everything is okay. Sometimes it spurs us to try harder and harder to fit in, to do better. Sometimes wearing our masks drives us into depression.
Regardless of what we do to keep our masks in place, wearing one means our feelings become invisible to others and eventually, to ourselves. No longer are we able to truly love or risk being ourselves. Our mask becomes our wall that keeps others out. We think it provides safety. Instead, our mask keeps us from growing and learning. A friend asks, “How are you?” We answer without thinking, “Fine.”
As a child, I developed the mask of the strong, capable human who cared for others. What I was actually feeling became unimportant. It just got in the way. Over time, I lost touch with my own feelings.
Yes, I became very good at relating to the pain of others. The problem was, I had lost myself, my feelings, my needs. I became invisible to myself.
Over the last twenty-plus years, I have learned to recognize and affirm my own feelings. That doesn’t mean I am dumping on anyone and everyone. It does mean that I can lean on a good friend, my life partner, a trusted ally. I can let the “I’m fine” mask drop occasionally. The amazing change in me is that I can love more deeply, accept more readily, trust more completely, both myself and others. With these changes, I can even do a better job of caring for others.
Masks are good on Halloween and when absolutely needed. Masks as our default response to life can steal a bit of our humanity.
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