About Me
Personal
History
As a Child
My childhood was blessed by two mothers. A few years ago I wrote my story and titled “Two Mothers, Twice blessed”. That story has been published twice. First, a shortened version appears in the May 2015 publication of “The Observer” magazine, now called “Broadview.” In 2019 the original long version was published in the “Spirit of the Hills IV” anthology. In essence my childhood and my whole life has had ups and downs like everyone else. What is unique is that I have enjoyed being a part of two families in which I am totally loved.
As a Grown-Up
Tom likes to say that he never grew up. This is the story of me after my divorce – the second half of my life.
After many years of a single life, I knew I wanted a life companion. I loved my career. I’d travelled. I’d been to Bali, Thailand, New Zealand and Israel. I’d climbed mountains and ridden camels. Still, I needed a dance partner, and I wanted a companion for my later years. Finding a suitable mate after you’ve been divorced and reached the age of fifty is not easy, especially for a woman. Add to that my vocation and you can see my difficulty.
I remember a conversation with an attractive man that took place as we danced:
“What do you do for a living?” he asked.
I tried to keep it light as I said, “Oh, I’m a United Church minister.”
“A what?” he exclaimed as he pushed me out to arms length. The music ended, and he steered me back to my table and disappeared into the crowd.
After that experience, I dreamed up a truthful, but less intimidating answer to that inevitable question concerning my occupation. When asked what I did for a living, I would smile sweetly and say, “Oh, I’m middle management for a world wide corporation.” Somehow, men were impressed with that answer.
Even with a whole congregation rooting for me, there just didn’t seem to be any desirable eligible men to choose from. Consequently, fifteen years ago, I took a deep breath, joined the modern world and placed my profile on an internet dating service. I called myself “Lover of Life”. Why? Well, boredom does not exist in my dictionary. For me, life is exciting, and I want to live it as fully as possible. If there was a man out there who could swallow my career, had a strong faith, loved to dance, and didn’t smoke, I wanted him to know that I wasn’t a couch potato or negative. I added tall, and lots of hair to my long wish list.
Window shopping for men on the internet was fun. I had all the pleasure of looking them over without having to worry about embarrassing them, or me. It took more than two years of meeting and dating before I met Tom. Now after sixteen years of marriage I know he was worth the wait and the search. He’s everything I prayed for and more. For me he is the sign of God’s Grace I needed in order to forgive myself for being divorced. He’s also an illustration of God’s sense of humour. Tom has lots of hair at my eye level, where it spills over his open collar shirts, but not much on top, where I can’t see it anyway.
Marriage
The first time I got married, at the age of nineteen, I thought I knew everything about loving and relationships. Twenty-seven years later, when that marriage ended, I realized that I knew very little about anything. Twelve years as a single person, five spent receiving counseling, prepared me to try marriage again. This time, I let God do the choosing. God obviously has good taste. My Tom is fabulous. He cooks, he dances, he’s my best friend and a wonderful lover. I am blessed.
I can hear some of you saying, “Right, your new relationship isn’t stressed by children or work.” Not true. Tom and I came together as packages. At this point our blended family includes 5 adult children and their 3 spouses, 9 grandchildren and two more partners, and one great grandchild on the way.
Blending families isn’t easy and yet for us it’s been good. We followed the motto: Love me, love my crowd. We focused on our love for our children and our desire to be happy together. We prayed a lot and waited patiently for acceptance of us as a couple.
Together, we’ve weathered a multitude of family gatherings, shivered at hockey games and broiled at rugby games. Tom has become truly grandpa to my crowd and I’m grandma to his. For all of us, the love is mutual.
As for work, well we both worked full time at the beginning. Tom retired first, myself two years later. Well no, that’s not quite true either. I just changed my focus. Instead of a whole congregation of people to care for, I now write, publish and sell books, but not alone. Tom has accepted the Jan package totally, even the writing. Besides being my biggest fan, he’s my editor and my support.
Friendship
Friends are precious. How could any of us survive without our friends? Some of you may be like me, in that you’ve moved a lot in your lives. Over the years, I’ve said a lot of tearful goodbyes. One friendship, has endured. I have shared laughter and tears with Richard and Nancy Miller for more than forty years (Tom only seventeen). Everywhere I moved, Nancy’s letters and their visits followed me. Sometimes they made the biggest effort at maintaining our friendship. Sometimes I did. Always they were there. They carried me through the divorce, when I knew they were hurting too. My former husband was their friend as well. We’ve walked together in grief with the death of our parents, and their son, Jason. We are God’s sanctuary for each other. We laugh, cry, eat and play dominoes. They live in Montreal, a long way from Peterborough but our friendship continues.
I encourage you to work hard at keeping your close friendships. Don’t let today’s transient lifestyle rob you of the blessing of lifetime relationships. Friends are priceless just like family.
Church
Family
For Tom and I there’s lots of overlap between friends and church family. Sometimes when you’re busy with small children and work outside the home, you don’t have time to search out friends as you settle into a new place. As I moved from community to community, I found lasting friendships within the church. The commonality of values and love for God that we share within the church family, offers a foundation for strong relationships.
My friendship with Rich and Nancy started in the church. We were the established family, when Richard came from the United States to be our pastor.
We waited excited at the church manse, along with other representatives of the church family, to welcome them when they arrived in Porcupine, Ontario. Three small children tumbled out of their car, followed by an exhausted Nancy. Richard drove up in the U-haul truck a few minutes later. My three kids, just a couple of years older, added to the chaos.
My advice for anyone needing friends is find a church family, even if you think you have no faith at all. The friendships waiting there for you are priceless treasures. At the church you will find, support and caring, fun and laughter, and if you open your heart, you will discover the joy of faith.
Why do I Write?
Most people answer that question with, “I’ve wanted to write all my life.” My life experience is different.
Originally, like most young women of my era, my life goal was to become a wife and mother. At that time, when necessary, some women worked outside the home as clerks in stores or as “waitresses” in restaurants. The brave and school-oriented women were directed toward three professions — nurse, teacher, or administrative secretary.
I took the less-travelled route.
When I was finishing Grade Thirteen, I applied to and was accepted at London Teachers’ College. Unlike most of my female classmates, I was going to have a profession. My parents were proud. We drove to London and found me student accommodation in a home on the Teachers’ College bus route. Everything was settled.
Just as the school year was ending, my high school principal called to tell me I had been awarded a bursary for $500, enough to pay my first year’s tuition at the University of Western Ontario. If I kept my marks up, the bursary would be repeated each year.
My mother and I went to speak with him. He was excited and pleased. What a wonderful opportunity. And it was.
The problem was, it meant a complete right turn in my life. My mom was trying to celebrate, but I remember thinking she and Dad did not welcome this change. They already had my future settled.
I wanted to go to university. I had good marks, but I didn’t know what I wanted to study. Was I being foolish? After all, a wife and mother didn’t need a university education. At least, that was what many people believed at the time.
I sat there in his office and cried.
My principal was astonished. “Of course you’re going to take this bursary. There’s no need to cry.”
After much conversation back and forth between my mom, my principal, and me, I agreed. Thus began my belief that God works in mysterious ways, if only we are willing to receive the opportunities God offers.
The following summer, I fell in love. Marriage loomed large in my mind. At eighteen, I thought I was wise. Once back at university, I walked across the road and signed up for Teachers’ College. That proved to be a good decision. I had a career and marriage. What more could I ask?
Eleven years and three children later, another opportunity arose for me to return to university. I had done some full-time teaching, mostly in high school, and I loved it. Connie was eight, Dave was eleven, and Brad was twelve. Could I accept this God-given opportunity? It was certainly a risk. For three years, all five of us were in school at the same time.
Thankfully, I still had the courage to risk and the love of learning. At the end of those three years, I had earned a Bachelor of Psychology Degree and a Master’s degree in Counselling. As a family, we had learned how to scrimp, save, and do without.
We moved once again, this time to Sudbury, where I set up a part-time personal and marriage counselling practice. I loved the work, but I didn’t enjoy running a business. It was particularly hard for me to receive money from clients. I believed my calling was to listen, care, and teach. God must have heard my dilemma.
After five years, I succumbed to God’s call to ministry in the United Church of Canada. Three more years of university and a Master of Divinity degree later, I was ordained. I loved this profession too. It was deeply rewarding. Once again, I had accepted another of God’s wonderful opportunities.
For the next nineteen years, I served as minister in three congregations. It was wonderful. I had church children to love alongside my own teenagers. I had amazing seniors to work with and of course all the people in between. Life felt very full.
It was during that time that I started telling stories. After all, I wanted my congregants to listen to my sermons. As humans, stories are one of the best ways to catch our attention and help us listen. Jesus understood that well. He was the master storyteller.
“You need to put your stories into a book,” my congregants suggested. “Other people need to hear them.”
I prayed. I questioned. By this time, I had been divorced for twelve years and had remarried my wonderful Tom. Together we prayed. Was this too God’s call? Apparently so.
Together, Tom and I took the leap of faith and, with the help of friends, put my stories into a book. My writing career had begun.
“You asked, “Why do I write?”
God surprised me with a love for writing and a wonderful gift of storytelling. God called and I answered. And so career number five began. Since then, I have written eleven books and sold more than 10,000 copies. It’s still hard for me to believe.
I have been truly blessed by answering God’s call. Yes, it took courage, and a love of adventure as well as the support of friends. The result is, I have had five wonderful careers — all of them work I loved.
Now, in retirement from pastoral ministry, I continue to work — PART TIME. Tom says I failed retirement. He’s actually correct. God’s call is mysterious and fabulous. I love my life.
My suggestion to all of you who read this: keep your eyes and heart open for God’s call. Take the risk. Enjoy the adventure. You will be blessed abundantly, tamped down and spilling over.