Top Ten Reasons for Getting Married – Part 2
My first marriage ended in divorce, in my mind, mostly because neither I nor my first husband clearly understood these last five reasons for getting married. Tom and I have just celebrated our 14th anniversary. The glow, the honeymoon, the joy, the companionship, all are shining just as brightly as they did June 21, 2003. I believe we have this solid relationship because we both accept these last five reasons. God is with us, and, thank God, we are together.
#5. Support – At the Christian marriage ceremony, family and friends pledge their support, at least with prayer. The power of prayer to aid physical and mental healing has been scientifically proven. In this modern society, relationships need all the help we can find. A host of prayers from family and friends can be a wonderful resource, even if you yourself don’t believe in it.
#4. Wedding Vows – Traditional wedding vows speak of sticking together, loving each other in sickness and in health. For young people, that doesn’t seem important. As we age and our body begins to deteriorate, this particular vow takes on a much stronger significance. Hanging in there in health is simple, easy. In sickness, it requires a depth of love and commitment that is much harder to achieve without marriage.
#3. Wedding Vows To love and to cherish. The words I love you can roll easily off our lips, just as we love ice caps, and rugby. To continue to “cherish,” year after year, requires help, God’s help. It’s easy to take your partner for granted. When I had my marriage counselling business, one of my first questions for troubled couples was to ask them to write down what attracted them to one another in the first place. Sometimes, that one thing had become what aggravates them the most. Often, this discovery brought laughter. Returning to the roots of our love can make a difference. One couple I married memorized their wedding vows. When tempers flared and wars started, it was the job of whoever remembered first, to begin reciting their marriage vows, and the job of the partner to join in. Always, that seemed to bring calm, peace, and a desire for understanding into the troubled situation.
Your public profession of love and commitment made before your family and friends, sealed by the signing of a legal document is a powerful act. A private statement, a vow in a common law relationship, or a drifting together only through circumstance command no explanation if blown away.
For these last two, I go to the Bible because, of course, I think in terms of Christian Marriage.
- The Bible offers the ideal of love that we strive for in marriage. In 1 Corinthians 13 – St. Paul’s chapter about love, we find clear instructions for a loving and lasting relationship. When both members of a couple make the commitment before God and human witnesses to do their best to follow the teaching in Paul’s letter, I believe that God is with them helping them to cherish one another.
1 Corinthians 13 (GNT) Love
13 I may be able to speak the languages of human beings and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. 2 I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains—but if I have no love, I am nothing. 3 I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burned[a]—but if I have no love, this does me no good.
4 Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; 5 love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; 6 love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. 7 Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
8 Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tongues, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but it will pass. 9 For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; 10 but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.
11 When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a child; now that I am an adult, I have no more use for childish ways. 12 What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. What I know now is only partial; then it will be complete—as complete as God’s knowledge of me.
13 Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.
And #1. My number one reason for getting married is that you grow up together, and you grow old together. You make a life time commitment legally, emotionally, and faithfully. When you are married you form a three stranded rope, you, your partner and God. Just as the Bible tells on in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.
“Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. 10 If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it’s just too bad, because there is no one to help him. 11 If it is cold, two can sleep together and stay warm, but how can you keep warm by yourself 12 Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break.”
For me the last sentence in this Biblical passage is particularly significant. “A rope made of three cords is hard to break.” When it comes to a marriage relationship that third strand for me is “God with us.” When we acknowledge God as part of our relationship, which we do in Christian marriage, we bring our faith with us into marriage. We know that we can seek God’s help through prayer together. It’s the knowledge of God’s presence and power with us that can make the difference.
Each night, Tom and I say, “thank you God, for bringing us together.” We say that with honesty and joy. We believe that God played a part in our finding each other. And we are truly grateful.